By Simon Rich
In Ant Farm, former Harvard Lampoon president Simon wealthy unearths humor in a few very staggering locations. Armed with a pointy eye for the absurd and an overpowering feel of doom, wealthy explores the ridiculousness of our daily lives. the area, he concludes, is a hopelessly terrifying place–with unending comedian potential.
–If your female friend provides a few “love coupons” after which breaks up with you, are the coupons nonetheless valid?
–What type of functionality strain does an endangered male panda consider whilst his captors deliver the final ultimate woman panda to his cage?
–If murderers can get into heaven via accepting Jesus, simply how awkward is it once they run into their victims?
Join Simon wealthy as he explores the intense and hilarious desperation that is living in usual existence, from cradle to grave.
"Hilarious." –Jon Stewart
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Extra info for Ant Farm: And Other Desperate Situations
Spouse: She’s downstairs, i feel. SULTAN: Oh. What approximately Sheila? spouse: I’m Sheila. SULTAN: Oh. (Pause. ) SULTAN: undergo me a toddler of good gold. endangered species final yr, the San Francisco Zoo tried to mate their endangered striped panda with 3 ladies from different zoos which will perpetuate the species. yet their enterprise failed, and finally the striped panda turned extinct. —SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE test 1 hello, great to satisfy you! Welcome to San Francisco! God, those blind dates are lovely awkward! It’s very nice of the zookeepers to set us up like this, notwithstanding, huh? i assume they’re most likely hoping that we’ll mate! (Pause. ) I’m sorry. That used to be rather out of bounds. Wow, I can’t think I stated anything so inconsiderate. you want to imagine I’m a complete fool. Jesus, and now I’m making it even worse. And that—that last item I said—made it even worse! God, this can be so humiliating. try out 2 … I’m the type of man who doesn’t take himself too heavily. loads of different animals round the following wish to strut round and growl, yet I don’t purchase into any of that. That’s to not say I can’t growl loudly. i will. So this can be my rock. i love to do my workouts the following. I don’t determine an excessive amount of, I’m no longer obsessive or something. I climb the rock approximately fifty or sixty instances an afternoon. I suggest, yes, for a few men that will be much. yet for me it isn’t. mountaineering the rock is beautiful effortless for me. See these bleachers? through the daylight hours, they’re jam-packed with youngsters. The zookeeper offers me a deal with at any time when I do my trick, yet you must comprehend whatever? i might do the trick at no cost, simply to see the grins on these childrens’ faces. That’s simply the type of man i'm. do you need to work out my trick? No? ok, that’s cool. Are you definite? ok. Say, that’s a pleasant ankle tag you were given on! It rather seems stable … in your ankle. God, I consistently do that. I do that each time. try three … perhaps I’m out of date, yet i feel lady striped pandas deserve an identical quantity of recognize as male striped pandas. I suggest certain, men can growl louder and climb the rock extra instances, yet it’s what’s deep down that counts. i suppose you may say that’s type of my philosophy on existence. examine me, conversing your head off! you want to be hungry. carry on, I’ll get the zookeeper’s recognition. (Growls. ) ok … i assume he didn’t listen me. we would need to wait some time. So, your tag says you’re from Siberia? That’s beautiful cool! Do you've loads of brothers and sisters there? Oh, correct … in fact you don’t. I’m sorry. mating all through background STONE AGE SCRAWNY man: hello! i used to be pondering … do you need to mate with me? lady: I don’t imagine so. You’re not likely my sort. I’m searching for a man with fairly titanic muscular tissues. you recognize, the type of man who can construct me a fortress and shield my young ones from wooded area beasts. I’m sorry. SCRAWNY man: It’s cool … That’s truly beautiful average. See you round. lady: See ya. state-of-the-art SCRAWNY man: hello! i used to be thinking about … am i able to purchase you a drink after paintings? girl: I don’t imagine so. You’re not likely my style. I’m searching for a man with particularly sizeable muscle groups. you recognize, the type of man who can construct me a castle and safeguard my childrens from wooded area beasts.